We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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