The best revenge is premature balding
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come share oat with me in your robe
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
