I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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