Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
