I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize