Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
