video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
