i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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