I'm sorry my penis didn't work
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
