That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
