And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize