i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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