So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
