I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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