By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.