This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.