just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.