dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
