Cold hands, warm shart.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Damn victory sex feels great
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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