Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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