She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
