Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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