Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't think brook has ever known best
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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