Sry I called you an 8
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
