If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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