I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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