Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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