yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
