Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
