Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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