i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
