like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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