3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where is the hickey?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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