Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
