I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He passed out mid-signature
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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