Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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