my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
