my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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