1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
