After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
