Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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