she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
