I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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