covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
