his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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