Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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