So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
