Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
