Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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