Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
