why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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