How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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