If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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