I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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