'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
