Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
