you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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