apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
