I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize