on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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