Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
