I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
