Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
