Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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