so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
