There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
