Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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