wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize