God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
