I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
