Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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