Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
