Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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