I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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